When we admit our powerless in situations, then first our lives become manageable

Picture: UnnarYmir


If you use your heart as weighing scale not the environment or pressure from others when in doubt, then your own life will be more manageable. Your freedom to act will be based on what you want to do, not what you must do to comply to other people needs.

Become responsible for other people needs and their perception of contentment is a never ending task and cannot be done. In the end it will break you and leave you in a state of hopelessness.

You are only responsible for your own needs. When you react in compliance to your own need and contentment then that will lead to frictionless co-operation and relationship with others.

It is a satisfying feeling to live with others who are content and happy and it is interactive experience, but the responsibility for our contentment lies in hand of ourselves. You are in control of your own thought and behavior and at same time responsible only to that too.

The feeling that we find coming from others can be mixture of all kinds of emotions. Anxiety, anger or sadness can be seen as contagious as any virus that spreads among people. We can acknowledge this contamination, but we do not have to or can take the responsibility from other people to solve their problems.

We might contribute to others people unhappiness, but we are not responsible for other people contentment. That is why it is so important for us to contribute to good feelings of the ones close to us, as it is likely to come back to us. That’s how we gain from other people contentment.

We can systematically help other people to ask for and acknowledge their feelings. We can ask for their wishes and wants. We can help them to prioritize and find choices. We can ask for their intention, but we cannot take their responsibility over the choices they want to take. We can help them to realize their idea of their future and hopes. We can reality test their thoughts, but the choices will be their responsibility to take. When we realize that these questions are for ourselves, then we start to concentrate on and be responsible for our own contentment and well-being.

Bjorn Vernhardsson psychologist